The Treasure Lies in the Chair

What IS it that women really want? This is an age-old question that poses the possibility that it is perhaps possible to know what would make a woman—any woman—happy. Perhaps it is only possible to know the answer if you’re a woman and if, as a woman, you actually know what YOU want. So much of the time we don’t know what we want. We think we want what SHE has on TV or what our PERFECT friend seems to have, only to find that it isn’t attainable—at least not in our own reality and therefore we find ourselves unhappy. Well, I am not psychologist or claim to know exactly what women want but, I can speak from my experience and that of what I can see around me. I’d like to suggest that you don’t have to be a woman to know the answer to this age-old question. You just have to want to know the answer and be willing to work at achieving it in your relationship.

When I met my future husband’s parents for the first time, my father-in-law-to-be left an indelible mark on my heart and my memory. I walked up to their front door and was greeted by him and his wife. He threw his arm around her with a huge smile and boldly claimed, “This is the love of MY life!” In all my life I had never known any one to be so “in love,” especially at their age (I was just 22 and they were in their 60’s, which seemed ancient to me). I know now why they BOTH had what they wanted. First and foremost, he cherished her. I liken it to a chair (chair-ish), with side arms. Like a chair, he holds her up, he wraps her with encouragement, stability, faithfulness, time, conversation, and care. He makes her comings and goings comfortable, giving her confidence in herself as he treasures her. His absolute first priority is to hold her up with highest regard, esteem and honor, to meet her needs emotionally and physically. Now here’s the clincher, she may not be worthy of such actions all of the time, but he does it any way. That is what it means to cherish. That is what my father-in-law did for my mother-in-law and what caused her to want to go to unimaginable lengths to care for him during the grueling years of his terminal illness later in his life. For some reason he knew how to do this and by his actions alone he passed it on to his son, my husband.

Here in lies the problem for most men and women; if the guy didn’t grow up in a home where this concept was lived out then there is no reason why he should know that a woman wants to be cherished, plain and simple. And if the women didn’t see it demonstrated in her home, she may not even know how to define what she wants and she just ends up frustrated. Some guys may think they know that their wife wants to be cherished, but since she’s not living up to her end of “the bargain” then why should he?

Since we are all selfish human beings, to cherish someone else – even if you call her your wife – does not come naturally. It is truly an other-centered concept that is contrary to popular thought. I did not grow up in a home that demonstrated how to cherish or be cherished and yet my husband did. That is how I know that it just takes one person to start the process and propel the gears into action. I can honestly say that I am not worthy of the way my husband cherishes me, yet he shows it every day, 365 days a year, and whether or not he’s worthy of my love and respect back I am so willing to give it to him because of the way he cherishes me.

Now, just to be clear, it is not always easy. Marriage is actually a lot of work. We hit rough spots just like everyone else and we have to work through them. But, because I feel cherished and he in-turn feels respected, we are willing to work through the rough spots to get back to the treasure zone.

So now you know what I believe to be the secret of What Women Really Want. If you genuinely cherish your wife you will get to watch her blossom into a treasured woman and the pay back will be great and perhaps even a bit unexpected. I dare you to try it.