Knowing the One Who Controls the Wind
I seem to only be able to write days before I have to undergo chemotherapy again. I suppose those are the best days for clarity of mind. I have had about seven really good days to this point, but when you’re feeling good there is so much to get done and so little time. The “bad” days of round two were not as bad as round one. I know this is because so many prayer warriors were holding me up in prayer. I was better prepared for what I was facing in so many different ways that it just went a little smoother.
It is true that life goes on, even when your life feels like it has stalled out. Good friends get married; Sweet babies named Eleanor are born; The pluming in our house backed up filling our tub with raw sewage; Our son was in a car accident and totaled his car (thankfully no one was hurt); Even our 16 year old dog died yesterday. In addition to all that, Saturday our daughter had her final dance performance for her dance students, a business that she spent the past five years building. She has closed it down to move to Los Angles to finish her bachelors degree. With tears and laughter we celebrated her accomplishments and the many blessings that God has granted her. It has been a very emotional 21 days in this chemo cycle. I am thanking God that He graciously allowed me to experience all of these emotions with enough capacity to hold on to all the joy and experience the sorrow.
Today I sit in our cozy camper at our favorite place in the world, and we’ve been to some pretty spectacular places around the world. Yesterday, after having our dog put to sleep, we hooked up one our sailboats and headed across the Central Valley to Huntington Lake. This place has been our home sailing lake for over 22 years. It holds tons of memories for our family as we have camped here every year, sometimes multiple times a year since our kids were babies. Sailing is a big part of our lives and this year it is especially soothing to my soul. We set up the mast and hoisted the sails and then backed the trailer to the water’s edge. HOTY allowed me the first sail around to our campground. At 6:00 pm we still had perfect wind and I reached across to the other side of the lake with consistent wind at my back. No hair flying, but a scarf fluttering just enough to make me feel “normal”. On the water, I don’t have cancer. Crazy as that sounds, that is how I felt. This short, last ditch effort, before chemo on Tuesday makes me realize I have a life to live and to live it well. Being on the water on my catamaran with the sails taut against the wind adds life to my breath.
I can’t control the wind, but I know the One that can and I can adjust my sails to be in sync with His heartbeat. Sailing has been a part of my life since I was in high school and I find many parallels to my faith in God as the wind catches my sails and I am thrust to the other side of the lake. For example, I can sail directly into the wind and go no where. It is very similar to opposing God. If I set my course with my sails perpendicular to the wind I can literally stop my boat. I can also get stuck there. We call that being caught in irons and it takes a lot of time to get out of it because the wind is just blowing to either side of your sails and your sails catch nothing. If I set myself in direct opposition to God, the same thing happens. I get no traction within God’s will in my life and it is literally like being imprisoned by my sin. If I turn my boat and run parallel to the wind (at a slight angle), the wind fills my sails and I am propelled forward. I like to think of it as walking in tandem to God’s plan. Even in the midst of the storms of my life, and lately there seem to be many, I can walk confidently through them because I am walking along side the one that controls the wind and has the power to take me through it.
It hasn’t ever been as clear of a parallel as it is today. Being in the middle of one of the biggest storms of my life, that has the power to destroy ones faith, I am carried with the wind in comfort and safety – at whatever the outcome maybe. I don’t have blind faith. I have faith with absolute assurance, because as I have walked in tandem with God, He has always been faithful and I have absolute assurance that He will be so again. It doesn’t mean I get “my way”. It means I can trust that His way is the best way for me, and I can confidently trust in that.
Well, the wind is calling. I am going to get out there and fly!
“They were terrified and asked each other, “Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!”” —Mark 4:41
“He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.” —Matthew 8:26
(Photo is from last year’s sailing adventures)